No matter how you choose to live your life - whether you have children or choose not to have children; whether you are a stay-at-home mom or a working parent, whether you put your child in English medium or Bangla Medium, whether you live in a joint family or prefer a nucleus family - someone will be always there to judge you.

Everyone is confronted with the same issue.

It's our nature to pass judgment on individuals who are different from us! And, because we are all different in some manner, your very existence will elicit criticism from someone somewhere.

You can stand out from the crowd and still be criticized. Alternatively, you may blend in with the crowd and get judged for not speaking up more.  

You could be accused of being greedy if you are ambitious. Alternatively, you may live a modest live and be judged for lacking “charm”

Aristotle said it best when he claimed “There is only one way to avoid criticism. Say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.” 

Basically, avoiding criticism is impossible.  

Accepting that truth is the first step in refining your ability to deal with criticism. If we embrace that truth, it will be much simpler for us to deal with our harshest critics.  

Also as parents we need to set a proper example for our kids on how to deal with these negativities of life because it will surely be there in their life as well.

‍

Why you are your Biggest Critic 

Many of us don’t know the fact that we are our own worst critics because of the expectations of modern society to live up to a higher ideal.  

Yes, it’s true.  

Naturally, we are wired to pay more attention to unpleasant events than positive events.  

Negative experiences are handled differently by our brain than positive events. Even people who have an optimistic attitude on life remember negative occurrences more vividly than the positive ones.  

Why?

Because negative events take extra thought. We are more interested in understanding why a negative event occurred than we are in understanding why a favorable one occurred. We constantly attempt to act in a way that results in positive outcomes. As a result, when positive things happen, we are less surprised.  

Negative events, on the other hand, are unpleasant to our system. As a result, we spend time identifying our acts and behaviors that resulted in the poor outcome. This suggests we're focusing more on the negative aspect of the situation.  

We think about it all the time, so it's ingrained in our long-term memory. This creates the impression that the unpleasant incident was more significant than it was.  

After all, if we recall it, it must have been a major event!

Unfortunately, we deal with criticism in the same way.

This not only makes us our own biggest critics, but it also makes us wish to avoid future criticism from others. We remember how it felt the last time we were criticized, and we don't want to go through it again!

As a result, we take fewer risks, become less vulnerable, and keep our greatness hidden deep within us, where no one can judge us.

It's important to become aware of this because this bias sometimes dictates our actions and makes us react negatively to criticisms and judgements.

‍

Constructive vs Destructive Criticism

The manner in which comments are given distinguishes constructive criticism from destructive criticism.

Although both types of criticism may challenge your ideas, thought, capacity, and talent.

But destructive criticism can be hurtful to your ego and and have a detrimental impact on your self-esteem and confidence.  

Destructive criticism is frequently the result of another person's carelessness, but it can also be spiteful and nasty. Destructive criticism can, in some cases, lead to anger and/or aggression.

Constructive criticism, on the other hand, is meant to point out your flaws while also pointing out where and how you may grow.  

Instead of defending or reacting, constructive criticism should be considered as important feedback that can help you improve! The most common example is when someone asks you to do something based on their experience.  They genuinely want your betterment premised on what they know.

Even though it still hurts a little, constructive criticism is usually easier to absorb. Always keep in mind that you can utilize criticism to your advantage in either situation.

‍

10 Effective ways to handle Criticism and Negative comments

Here are the ways by which you can handle criticism and negative comments in a comprehensive manner. Practicing these tips in real-life situations can gradually teach you to embrace negative feedback instead of fearing it.

‍

1. Be Confident in dealing with situations

There will always be someone who will discover a hole in your character and try to drag you down. These words of criticism will not be able to make you feel low if you learn to believe in yourself and your ability.  

Recognize and accept your worth as a person. The critic may be more authoritative than you, but that doesn't make them more valuable.

Build your self-esteem and learn how to be fearless.

No comment or judgment can bring you down if you are confident in what you are doing and why. That is why it is better that you perform things confidently so that you can also take the responsibility of what you did.

So, be confident. It is the key to guzzle all the criticism all at once!

2. Keep an open mind when receiving criticism

Nobody is flawless. We all make mistakes.  

Most of the people around us express their opinions based on their own experiences and viewpoints.  

Suppose, your mother-in-law has asked you to feed your child certain foods that you aware are “nowt healthy” for your child. Because you didn't follow through on her suggestion, she may hold that against you in the future.

Obviously, you'd be stabbed.

You might get a different perspective if you dig deeper into her intentions.

It's possible that they have good intentions, even though we mostly ignore the intention. Now the question is how to receive criticism in a more open-minded manner. Here are some tips-  

• Thinking about your strengths and shortcomings might help you face criticism with an open mind and be able to distinguish between the two.  
• Before you make a decision, you should weigh your options carefully. Is the person offering you feedback someone you know cares about you, and is he or she pointing you to something you need to improve on?
• When you eventually recognize people who have genuine intentions, attempt to listen to what they have to say with a more open mind. Consider their point of view. This may go against your beliefs, but it has the potential to be very beneficial.

3. Don’t mix with your own judgement

For the time being, it may be difficult to recognize your inner critic and the judgments it makes. Keeping track of your decisions in a notebook or on a worksheet may be beneficial. You'll get a chance to reflect on what prompted the judgment if you do it this way.

When someone makes a comment about your situation, don't jump to any conclusions based on what you know.  

There might be a lot more!

My friend heard something bad from her distant in-law because she wasn't willing to get back to work after her child was born. She was offended, but as she dug more, she discovered that her in-law wanted her to be independent like her. Her motive was sincere.

It's not worth it to be upset because of negative feedback when the intention was good.

Always try to think before you judge!

‍

4. Find the positive insight

Evaluate the depth of someone's criticism of you, whether it's about your career, your appearance, your personality, your personal decisions, or something else.  

Does their criticism make sense to you on some level?  

Do you believe that adjusting a few minor items would have a positive impact on you?  

If you believe the criticism is for your own good, go ahead and make the necessary changes in your life. It could be beneficial to you.

Train your brain to seek out positivity instead of focusing on the negative.

It will be a long process. But, sooner or later, you'll be a pro!

‍

5. Make a decision to love instead of hate

This is the trickiest tip on the list, but it pays off tremendously. Make a conscious effort to view everything in your life with compassion and love.

It's possible that someone is acting insensitively because they lack empathy. Even if they're sincere in their mind, the way they say it doesn't come across that way.  

This applies specially for our closest ones. Maybe it’s one of your parents who is very critical, maybe it’s your spouse. Sometimes our own loved ones are the biggest critics in our lives.  

Because our loved ones want us to be successful, safe and don’t want us to get hurt. In the process of doing to they become critical and sometimes even hurtful.  

Focus on the positive aspects of every circumstance instead of the negative ones, especially when it’s coming from your loved ones. Eventually you'll learn and grow much more.

‍

6. Set wall around you

You may not have the option to walk away from toxic, judgmental individuals on occasion. You may not be able to do everything all the time.

If someone has been identified as toxic, you should do your best to stay away from them. If you can't get rid of them completely, it's time to set some limits. Maybe you let them know that your private life is off limits. Decide on the settings based on what's most convenient for you.

For example, if you find that your near ones are constantly doing things that keep you from finding serenity, start avoiding them discreetly without disgracing them Also, doing so in a way that will be understood by the person you are avoiding.

‍

7. Don’t defend yourself, pause your first reaction

It's our human nature to defend ourselves when we're attacked. Learn to hold on to your first reaction when you receive criticism, whether it is intentional or not.  

Take a beat.

Pause.  

And no! I'm not only referring to what you said. Your facial expressions and body language convey just as much as your words.  

It only takes a few seconds for your brain to begin processing the information more thoroughly then allow you to respond more strongly.

Just keep practicing until your brain responds as you expect it to!

‍

8. Learn when to walk away

Yes, physically step away! 

Now is the time to figure out how to be courageous if you haven't already. Learn how to step away tactfully when confronted with verbal attacks.  

There's a lot more to do.

Like, regardless of how angry you're feeling inside, you can still maintain your composure on the outside. Listed below are a few ideas to walk away from critical person:

• Tell them politely but firmly that you will not tolerate his or her abuse.
• Set an example by telling the individual that you will not listen to their criticism unless he presents it to you in a mature and constructive manner, then make a U-turn and leave.
• What is the greatest way to determine why a person behaves the way they do when it is habitual? If they have a good intention, find out what they are concerned about. If you uncover any negative intentions, it is preferable to let them be as they are.  

Simply stay away.

The point is, you should be aware that people who regularly spout off will only do so as long as you allow them to. Stopping such individuals is necessary. Just remember not to justify the other person's unkind, judgmental behavior.

‍

9. Meditate

“The thing about meditation is you become more and more you.” – David Lynch

A daily meditation practice is the only way to truly master the ability to let go of thoughts. Meditation teaches your brain to ignore unwanted thoughts.  

This implies that you will be able to let go of both your own need to criticize others and the criticism you receive from others.

Surprisingly, it works!  

According to studies, meditating for 10 minutes every day for just 2-3 days improves our ability to let go of self-critical thoughts and control your judgments of others.

It's up to us what we actually want!  

There are numerous misconceptions about meditation, so first dispelling some of them. Meditation is nothing more than the act of focusing your attention on the present moment only.  

Research by psychologists Matthew A. Killingsworth and Daniel T. Gilbert of Harvard University found about 47% of our waking hours are taken up with daydreaming about the future or reminiscing about the good old days.  

The amount of time we devote to doing what we are doing right now is extremely low. Meditation is an attempt to divert your mind into work.  

To do this, find a quiet place where there are no interruptions, and concentrate solely on your breathing.

‍

10. Laugh it off

A strong mind and complete control of your emotions are required for this trick. When someone criticizes or makes a remark about you, just laugh it off!

Life is too short to let someone take away all your serenity. Being humble and kind to one another is something we all need to work on.

What is the best way to criticize?

We can't seem to quit criticizing as humans.

Right?  

Specially parents need to give constructive criticisms to their kids so that kids can correct their mistakes and also understand what is right. So it is crucial to know how to give critical feedback effectively.

Here's the way how to give constructive feedback:

• Always provide constructive criticism. Instead of saying, “You can’t do it” say; “You have improved, but you can do better”.
• Be empathetic and always criticize respectfully. Do not tell in a way that could offend or harm the sentiments of other people. It's not appropriate to purposefully hurt someone because of any small imperfection.
• Avoid making snide remarks or insults when criticizing. Be selective with the words with which you express yourself.
• Be encouraging and supportive. Let someone know in a suggestive way if you believe they need to be criticized. Criticism is preferable to advice.
• Assist the individual in identifying his or her strong and weak points.
• To make up for the criticism, don't forget to give them positive feedback when they do something right.
• Avoid criticizing others in front of anyone/group. It is critical for parents to adhere to65 this rule strictly. Don't ridicule your child in front of others.

‍

‍