For any parent, the adolescent years are a difficult time. Teenagers are known for being irritable, irresponsible, and unpredictable. These years, however, can be particularly tough for parents of teenagers who have disobedience or anger difficulties.  

When your teen is enraged and screaming at you, many of us are tempted to fight back and scream even louder in order to "win" the battle.  

But what exactly does that imply?  

When someone presses your buttons or upsets you in any way, it's normal to want to fight back or defend yourself.  

"I'm not going to let my own child walk all over me," we unconsciously internalize, and it becomes a parent's credo.

It's difficult to resist the want to scream or fight back when the temptation is so strong. However, succumbing to that temptation might be costly in ways you probably aren't aware of.  

When you yell or scream at your child, you are effectively challenging him and it intensifies the debate. Not only that, but it prolongs the fight - the more you try to "win" and emerge victorious, the more your child fights back, and the more you yell, the more he fights back, and then he starts hurling stuff...  

When will it be over?

Understand that yelling back not only prolongs the argument - and encourages your child to do it - but it also gives up your power. You and your child are now on the same playing field; you're on an equal footing. You're repeating the same behavior, and as long as you do, your child will reward you with more of the same. Your child receives the impression that he is in control by pulling you down to his level since he can make you lose control by making you furious.

It's very common. Shortly after puberty begins, "normal" rage arises. It usually arises from a teen's desire to be more self-sufficient from his parents.

Let's face it, teenagers are more inclined to be dramatic and petulant than adults, but when their outbursts go out of control, it becomes a problem.

Angry Teenagers Brain

Although an individual's immediate impulsive response will always be the most likely first choice, it takes the growth of the pre-frontal lobe in their brain for them to have the potential to select a different, more mature choice. Many of us are aware that when confronted with a potentially dangerous scenario – typically a perceived threat rather than a genuine one – our primitive brain responds in one of three ways:

1. Flight - the desire to flee.

2. Freeze - the inability to feel emotions.

3. Fight - physical or verbal altercation.

The amygdala, which functions as the brain's threat center, is larger in boys, and with emotional intensity increased, it's simple to understand how irrational anger could be linked to this innate instinct to preserve one's survival.  

When you add this factor in the surges of testosterone that our tween/teen boys experience, it's easy to see how the exposure occur.  

The biological urge to belong grows greater as adolescence progresses, and one of the causes of many seemingly irrational outbursts of fury from our teen guys is the feeling that their belonging (especially, but not always, with a male group of friends) is endangered.

Angry Teenager: Whether it is due to Hormones or More Serious Issues?

You might be wondering if your enraged teens conduct is usual or if you should be concerned when he expresses extreme rage. You're not sure if you're being unduly cautious or if you should be worried. Here are some suggestions to think about.

• Hormone surges during puberty are linked to more intense emotions and mood swings, and most teenagers lack the emotional intelligence to effectively manage their rage.  
• Teenagers are also under a lot of stress and have a hard time making reasonable decisions. As they struggle to figure out who they are and who they want to be, they become more impulsive and rebellious.
• When adults appear to be judging their choices and try to steer them in a different path, they are more prone to get defensive.  
• Teens' hormones may make them more prone to respond inappropriately to events, but outbursts of rage that last longer than a few minutes may not constitute a phase.

While teenagers go through several phases, there comes a time when it's no longer a phase and becomes a matter for concern. If an angry teenager is not dealt with effectively, he or she may develop major anger issues as an adult.  

• Anger is easy to recognize and confess because it is a secondary emotion. Teenagers tend to absorb stress rather than confront it head-on, and when that pent-up emotion boils over, it tends to come out sideways.  
• They are more inclined to place blame on others, acquire a pessimistic attitude on life, and mistrust their own ability to cope with stressful situations.
• Many teenagers consider their anger to be a part of their identity, and they resist looking deeper, even to comprehend their own anger.

When Normal Teen Behavior Considered as Troubled Behavior

As teenagers express their independence and develop their own personality, many of them exhibit unusual and unanticipated behavioral changes that might be perplexing to parents.  

Your sweet, obedient child, who once couldn't stand being parted from you, now avoids you within 20 yards and responds to everything you say with a roll of the eyes or a slam of the door.  

These are the activities of a typical teenager, as tough as they may be for parents to bear.

• A troublesome teen, on the other hand, has behavioral, emotional, or learning challenges that are not typical of teen.  
• They may engage in risky activities such as drinking, drug usage, sex, violence, skipping school, self-harming, shoplifting, or other illegal acts on a regular basis.  
• They could also show signs of mental health issues like despair, anxiety, or eating disorders.  

While any unpleasant behavior that occurs repeatedly can indicate underlying issues, it's critical for parents to understand which behaviors are normal during adolescent growth and which can indicate more significant issues.

Signs That Your Teen Is Having Trouble Managing His or Her Anger

Anger is sadness pouring out the other direction, so there's a sadness behind every angry outburst that the boy/girl either doesn't want to confront or can't identify.  

If a boy/girl withdraws from his family and displays no levity or happiness for more than two weeks, his parents should consider whether he is sad.

"It's critical for parents to understand that this is normal behavior. It is difficult and yes, it's aggravating. But it's crucial to put that in context," said Laura Grubb, American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) spokesman and director of adolescent medicine at Tufts Medicine Center's Floating Hospital for Children.  

In fact, according to Grubb, about 85% of teens get through puberty without too much anger.

But what about the 15% of teenagers who may be dealing with challenges that aren't readily apparent?

What is the best way for parents to notice their children's need for support?

An individual who has five of the following symptoms for at least two weeks in a row has a major depressive episode:

1. An irritable or gloomy mood on a daily basis.

2. Loss of interest or pleasure in previously appreciated activities.

3. No apparent cause for a change in appetite or weight loss or gain.

4. Sleep apnea or hypersomnia (sleeping too much).

6. Fatigue, a sense of worthlessness, or excessive guilt.

7. Loss of concentration and capacity to think.

8. Suicidal or dying thoughts on a regular basis.

If a parent notices these behaviors, it's critical to seek treatment for the teen as soon as possible, and talking to your son's primary care physician is a good place to start.

Teenage Red Flags for Trouble Behavior

What should parents check for while looking for red flags? Take a look at the following points.  

• Playing with weapons of any kind  

• Obsessively playing violent video games, watching violent movies, or visiting websites that promote or glorify violence  

• Threatening or bullying others  

• Fantasizing about acts of violence he'd like to commit  

• Being aggressive or cruel to pets or other animals are all warning signs that a teen may become violent.

Seeking Professional Help for a Troubled Teen

If your teen exhibits red flag behaviors, speak with a doctor, counselor, therapist, or other mental health professional for assistance in determining the best course of action.

Keep in mind that whatever issues your teen is having is not an indication that you've failed as a parent. Rather of attempting to assign blame, concentrate on your teen's current needs.  

How Parents Can Deal with Teen’s Anger and Violence

Here are some suggestions for dealing with your angry teenager in a more realistic approach.

1. Stay Connected with Your Troubled Teen

Given your child's wrath or disinterest toward you, it may be difficult to believe, but teenagers still desire love, praise, and acceptance from their parents.  

By soothing and focusing the neurological system, positive face-to-face connection is the quickest and most effective technique to alleviate stress. That means you have a lot more power over your adolescent than you realize.

To improve communication, use the following steps:

Be Mindful of Your Own Emotional Levels

Now is not the time to try to speak with your teen if you are angry or unhappy. Before initiating a conversation, make sure you're calm and energized. You'll most likely need all of your patience and positive energy.

Spend Separated Quality Time with Your Teen

Even if their parents do not show it, every child wants to be unconditionally loved and accepted by their parents. Spend meaningful time with your teen while they are engaged in an activity they enjoy.  

Simply focus on loving, validating, and being positive about your teen and their abilities during this time. Reassure them of your love for them, both verbally and in deed.  

If your teen opposes your attempts, don't become frustrated. Simply keep trying. Remember, the goal is to simply establish a relationship with your teen and provide help in the areas where they are most in need.

Assure them Your Continuous Presence

Insist on family mealtimes being spent together, with no television, phones, or other distractions.  

When you speak, look at your teen and invite him or her to look at you.  

Don't be discouraged if all you receive is monosyllabic grunts or shrugs in return for your efforts. You may have to have a lot of dinners in silence, but your kid will always have the opportunity to open up if he or she wants to.

Find Common Interest to Discuss 

Trying to talk about your teen's appearance or clothing is a surefire way to start a fight, but you can still find some common ground. Sports bring fathers and boys together, while gossip or movies bring moms and girls together.  

The goal isn't to be your teen's best buddy, but to establish common hobbies that you can talk about in a calm manner. Your teen may feel more comfortable opening up to you about other things once you've started talking.

Listen Without Putting Any Judgment

When your kid does speak to you, it's critical that you listen without passing judgment, mocking, interrupting, condemning, or offering advice.  

Even if your teen isn't looking at you, establish eye contact and keep your concentration on them. Your teen will believe that you are not interested in them if you are checking your email or reading the newspaper.

2. Enhance Some Routine into Your Teen’s Life

Whatever the cause of your teen's difficulties, you may help them reclaim their lives by assisting them in making healthy lifestyle choices.

Generate Structure

Teens may shout and battle with you about rules and discipline, or rebel against routine, but that doesn't mean they don't require them. A teen feels comfortable and secure when there is structure in his or her life, such as regular mealtimes and bedtimes. Every day, sitting down for breakfast and supper together can be a fantastic way to check in with your teen at the start and end of the day.

Reduce Amount of Screen Time

There appears to be a link between violent behavior in youths and violent TV episodes, movies, Internet content, and video games. Even if your teen isn't drawn to violent content, too much screen time might have a negative impact on his or her brain development.  

Limit your teen's access to electronic devices, and limit phone use after a particular time at night to ensure he or she gets adequate rest.

Encourage Regular Physical Exercise

Even a small amount of daily exercise can help your teen feel better by easing depression, boosting energy and mood, relieving stress, regulating sleep patterns, and improving self-esteem. If you're having trouble convincing your teen to do anything other than play video games, encourage them to try activity-based video games or "exergames" that require them to stand and move around, such as those that simulate dance, skateboarding, soccer, or tennis. Encourage your teen to try a real sport or join a club or team after exercise has become a habit.

Offer to Eat Balanced Diet

Healthy diet can help a teenager's energy level, mental sharpness, and mood even out. Make an effort to be a role model for your teen. Cooking more meals at home, eating more fruits and vegetables, and avoiding junk food and soda are all good ideas.

Ensure Your Teen to Get Sufficient Sleep

Sleep deprivation can make a teen feel agitated, irritated, and lethargic, as well as affect his or her weight, memory, attention, decision-making, and immunity to sickness.  

You might be able to operate at work on six hours of sleep per night, but your kid requires 8.5 to 10 hours of sleep every night to be mentally and emotionally balanced.

Set consistent bedtimes for your teen and keep TVs, computers, and other electronic devices out of his or her room—the light from these devices suppresses melatonin production and stimulates, rather than calming, the mind. Instead, suggest that your teen listen to music or audio books before going to bed.

3. Establish Boundaries, Rules and Consequences

Explain that there's nothing wrong with feeling angry, but there are unacceptable methods of expressing it when you and your teen are both calm. If your teen lashes out, they may face repercussions such as loss of privileges or even police involvement. Boundaries and norms are more important than ever for teenagers.

Tell them about your family's culture, traditions, and customs. Please don't ask for more. Establish, however, what boundaries they must keep for the rest of their lives on your side.

You can also use life events to explain why such boundaries exist. Make them aware of the severity of the negative consequences if they cross the rigid boundary.

4. Try To Understand What’s Behind the Anger

Is your teen angry or sad? Do they, for example, feel insufficient because their friends have stuff they don't? Does your teen simply require someone to listen to them without passing judgment? You can simply apply the suggestions provided below to find out the original scenario.

Be Aware of Anger Warning Signs and Triggers

Is your teen getting headaches or pacing before exploding in rage? Or does a particular class at school constantly make you angry? When teenagers recognize the warning indications that their temper is about to boil, they can take actions to diffuse the situation before it spirals out of control.

Identify the Healthy Ways to Relieve from Anger

Running, riding, climbing, and team sports are all excellent forms of exercise. Using a punch bag or a pillow to relieve tension and rage can be effective. It can also help to dance or play along to loud. Some teenagers vent their frustrations through art or writing.

Allow your teen to withdraw to a safe area to cool off when he or she is furious. Do not pursue your kid and demand apologies or explanations while they are still enraged; this will simply prolong or exacerbate the rage, and may even result in a physical response.

5. Respect Your Child's Privacy

Teens frequently refer to their room as their castle and associate it with their uniqueness. Unannounced entrances result in avoidable battles.  

Teens are also quite protective of their belongings, so it's best to ask to borrow something rather than looking through your child's belongings.  

They would learn how to manage their own belongings without the assistance of others in this manner.

6. Curtail Other Contributing Influences

Anger is caused by your child's perception of a scenario. If things seem to be getting out of hand, you might wish to keep track of their mood on a calendar. Do they become angry if they don't get enough sleep, skip meals, eat poorly, high screen time or otherwise aren't in good physical condition?

Adolescence is well-known for being a period of increased irritability in children. This isn't an excuse for bad behavior, but it may explain why "little things" irritate you more at different times.  

Try to figure out how to sift out the other influences and resolve as a parent.

7. Try to Suppress Your Own Reactions

A parent's own emotions are frequently triggered by a child's wrath. When people are furious, how do you normally handle it? Anger can make some individuals feel worried or afraid, so they avoid it.

For those of us who grew up in households where anger was associated with yelling and threat, your child's outbursts may trigger some of your emotional responses. If you're not conscious of your own problems, you may react in ways that are harmful to your child (such as giving in to what they want or yelling back).

Take a deep breath and a mental step back if you find yourself experiencing tremendous emotion. One method is to imagine your child as a child of a neighbor. This can help you put some emotional distance between you and your partner.

Also, knowing where you are with your capacity to control your emotions will help you empathize with where your child is with this skill development. It's not easy -discipline and practice are required. Also, keep in mind that our children are new to this. And, keep in mind their brain is still going. So, it’s better to calm and give your teen some time.  

8. Don’t Intensify the Situation

Make sure your responses don't make things worse. You are not giving in just because you choose not to debate with your child. Allow your child some breathing room and time to relax.

It's fine to wait to punish them if they're shouting at you. "That's disrespectful!" is the time to say. "You're grounded!" isn't uttered in the midst of a tidal wave of passion.  

When things have calmed down, you can always hold your child accountable.

9. Keep An Eye on Their Influences and Surrounds

Teenagers are more likely to be influenced by their peers and social media, as these are the two things with which they spend the most time. I'm not implying that you continually monitor and track them. This will simply erode your relationship with your adolescent's trust.  

Allow children to make their own decisions, but be aware of their influences.

Perhaps their rage is the result of a new habit they picked up from a peer, or perhaps their violence is the result of a video they saw on social media. Maintain vigilance and trust your teen to make sound decisions. If they stray from their intended course, gently guide them back to it.

10. Address his Anger in a Well-Regulated Manner

To put it another way, treat his rage as if it were a broken leg. Rather than employing a tone that implies he's a horrible kid, use one that implies he's dealing with anger issues that need to be handled.

• Establish clear boundaries for his rage. Parents, especially single mothers who are physically smaller than their boys, are sometimes scared of their son's rage. As a result, following the rules is crucial. Tell your son that he is free to talk about his anger, but he must never use bad language, call anyone names, get physical, or injure anyone or anything in the house. Let him know the repercussions if he violates these lines.

• Don't give in to excuses. One of the worst things mothers can do is rationalize terrible behavior by claiming that our son is melancholy, sad, or lonely. We need to teach our sons that feelings are just that: feelings, not actions.  
• Limit your exposure to violent video games. While video games may not drive boys to behave out, studies suggest that in their twenties, males who play them frequently become more aggressive. If a teen male has anger issues, viewing violence on a television and controlling it does not help him dissipate his wrath. In fact, they may grow more upset as a result of this.   
• Parents can clearly express what they expect from their children and what they will not tolerate at any cost. Question as to whether or not he is aligned with the boundary.

What to Avoid in front of Anger Teen?

Yell, Swear, Or Call Name

Abuse, whether by your child or by you, has no justification.  

Your child harming you does not explain your yelling, cursing, or name-calling.  

Verbally abusing your child just makes matters worse, both in the short term when the dispute escalates and in the long run when your child's conduct remains unchanged and your connection becomes strained.

Punishment For the Consequences

In the heat of the moment, it's best to avoid threatening your child with specific punishments.  

"If you don't stop, I'm taking your computer for three days," for example, is unlikely to encourage your child to quit yelling and retreat to his room.  

Instead, it will irritate your teen even more, prolonging the conflict. "If you choose not to go to your room and calm down, there will be a penalty later," and then walk away, is more effective.

Attempting to Regulate

One of the most common stumbling blocks for parents is attempting to regulate their children. This, I believe, is due in part to a general misunderstanding of accountability and what it entails. Holding your child accountable does not guarantee that he or she will be obedient all of the time.  

Even if you constantly give your child consequences when he misbehaves, this does not guarantee that he will always choose to follow the rules. You are accountable if you create the rules and follow them.

Another way to think about responsibility is this: If your child breaks the rules, someone will find out, and there will be a "price" to pay, a "cost" for his poor decision in the shape of the temporary loss of a privilege he enjoys.  

When a child has a painful experience like this, he can utilize that information to help him think about things the next time he considers breaking the rules. In the future, he'll learn to question himself, "Is it worth it?" when making decisions.

Get Physical

Attempting to control your child typically leads to this. You try to remove the controller or the console itself in the heat of your dispute when everyone's emotions are running high because your child didn't turn the mobile off when you instructed him to.  

When your child is furious, she might threaten to leave the house, so you try to physically keep her inside by obstructing her route or physically holding her back.  

Firstly, becoming violent with your child is not a smart choice because it teaches your child that the only way to gain control of a situation is to use physical force.  

Second, you run the danger of exacerbating the problem.

Don't take a chance. It's not going to be worth it.

Try To “Win

You can ignore this statement if you're one of those parents who already knows that the best approach to gain control of a dispute with your child is to walk away and cool down.  

Recognize that you will lose "the war" if you continue to strive to "win" every battle with your child. 

Before you go into "war" with your child, ask yourself, "Is it worth it?" It doesn't mean you "win" by yelling louder than your teen; it means you triumph by employing smart tactics that will help you reach your long-term goal.

Helping Teens Express Anger in a Healthy Way

The difficulty in assisting explosive teenagers is keeping them safe as they learn to understand and manage their anger in a more productive manner. Parents can do a lot to help an angry teen develop effective anger management techniques. Here's how to help your child deal with their anger:

• Engage in some physical activity. When most teenagers are furious, they have a strong desire to do something physical. Participating in sports and other forms of exercise allows you to release your anger on a regular basis.

• Punch a punching bag teen need safe ways to express their anger; a punching bag, repeatedly hitting a pillow, or using a foam padded bat are all good options.
• Take a break or rest. When a teen's rage becomes out of control, they may need time alone to cool down and rant, cry, or do whatever is necessary to keep themselves safe and others from being negatively influenced.
• Use your creativity to convey their anger. Teens can effectively express and comprehend rage through writing and painting.
• The teen can take a little nap to help them reconnect with the situation few moments later.
• They can also read their favorite books in a quiet place, which may assist them to focus on anything other than their anger or the issue that has made them angry.

It’s Okay to be Angry

Anger isn't always a terrible thing, according to Lauren Allerhand, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute. She claims that "Anger is a vital aspect of our emotional existence."  

Parents should aim to regard adolescent rage as a natural part of growing up, rather than something to be overcome. "It's our obligation to teach them that it's okay to be furious," she says. She believes that the goal should not be to prevent kids from feeling angry, but rather to assist them in finding safer, less damaging, and even useful methods to express it.

Maturity is only a short break in adolescence.

-Jules Feiffer

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