As parents, it is our responsibility to prepare our children to live freely in a world where they will encounter a wide range of people. We must acknowledge the necessity of providing children with both positive and negative feedback in order to prepare them for maturity.  

Positive constructive feedback, such as compliments, expressions of affection, and acknowledgment of your children's efforts and successes, is critical to developing confidence, learning new skills, and keeping a strong and open relationship with them.  

Giving constructive but negative feedback is also vital in acquiring new abilities and respecting others' limits and needs. Feedback is critical for self-improvement and your children's personal development.

If you have a teen at home, you may become frustrated or concerned when he or she exhibits certain changes in behavior. The journey from childhood to adulthood is a delicate and turbulent era of life defined by self-identity crises, first heartbreaks, a strong need for peer approval, and so on.  

As parents, you recognize that your adolescent must navigate the adult world, but you don't want him to become disoriented.  

Now, what you can do best?

The most acceptable answer would be to respond with constructive feedback to make them aware about their proper direction!

Fortunately, there are certain guidelines for offering constructive feedbacks. We've included some of the most basic ideas on how to give children constructive feedback in order to get them back on track in this blog.

What is Constructive Feedback?

Constructive criticism is nonjudgmental criticism delivered in a friendly manner that is considered reasonable, logical, and effective. These viewpoints are based on a person's work and include both favorable and negative observations.  

The fundamental goal of constructive criticism is to improve an individual's work outcome.  

When you're cooking a dinner for the first time, you can ask your partner for advice. You'd rather hear constructive comments like "Just add a little bit of salt and bake it for another 10 minutes, I think it'll taste better" than just "These tastes so heavenly."  

As vital as it is to apply this to yourself, it is also critical to apply it to your children's education.

Indicators of Constructive Feedback

For children of all ages, constructive criticism is essential. However, if criticism is delivered incorrectly, it can harm children for the rest of their lives!

While receiving negative feedback is difficult for everyone, it can be especially devastating for children under the age of eight. We must be cautious in picking our words so that we do not cause more harm than good.

So, how can we determine the difference between constructive and destructive criticism?

We’re adding some of the indicator that may help you understand whether it is constructive feedback or not.  

• Use of simple, direct language to avoid misinterpretation (without being harsh).
• Validation of what the receiver has exhibited, accomplished, or done well.
• Must have some realistic goals.
• Commitment to support for good.  
• Accountability.

‍When Should Constructive Criticism Start?

It's a good idea to start teaching children how to tolerate criticism at a young age. People will criticize (only some of it constructively) for the rest of their lives.

Even with an adult's maturity, receiving constructive comments is challenging. We don't like to be told what we're doing wrong, yet we want all benefit from learning how to be more successful.  

Consider it a mentality.

• Criticization is incomprehensible to infants and babies under the age of one year. They do, however, understand intonation and voice volume. At this age, most parents are focused on teaching their children that hitting, pulling hair, and biting are not acceptable behaviors. (This isn't so much constructive criticism as it is using your voice and actions to teach acceptable conduct, such as putting the baby down if she bites you.)
• When a parent or caregiver corrects their behavior, toddlers begin to understand. School-aged children are accustomed to receiving constructive comments from teachers, but they may require assistance in dealing with input from parents or caregivers.
• Although older children are unlikely to appreciate constructive criticism, they can be taught how to deal with feedback from a variety of sources. Teenagers and young adults are still learning how to deal with constructive criticism and how to implement it in their daily lives.

Who Should Give Constructive Criticism to Children?

Children's parents and caregivers are the first to offer constructive comments. Teachers and coaches will eventually join the crowd.

When criticism comes from someone who cares about the child, it is easier to handle. Kind words reassure the children that the criticism is coming from a loving place.

• Children can learn to cope with feedback in a healthy way if they begin early. Make an effort not to criticize children in a way that makes them feel horrible about themselves. Instead, parents can assist kids in understanding life's inherent consequences by providing age-appropriate examples.
• Caregiver should assist children in understanding that constructive criticism, when provided in a caring manner, is just a means of making things better. Straightforward examples are simple to implement at home.  
• Families can demonstrate children how constructive criticism can help them improve their performance in a variety of activities as they grow older.
• Sports coaches are well-versed in providing constructive criticism to children. The purpose of a coach is to teach a sport's skills and rules. These abilities assist children in learning to obey rules and incorporating new skills into their daily lives.
• For decades to come, teachers, professors, and bosses will deliver constructive critique. It's well worth the time and effort to teach children how to deal with constructive criticism at a young age.

What Aspects Parents Should Consider While Giving Any Constructive Criticism  

Asking them relevant questions

• Prompt your child with questions to help them assess their own work and reflect on the process.
• Ask open-ended questions rather than those that may be replied with a simple "yes" or "no."
• Inquire about their sources of inspiration, concepts, and thought processes.
• How did they organize their time and handle their work?
• What did they think they did well/badly, and why did they think that?
• What did they discover on their journey?
• What could they possibly have done differently?

Hearing From Them Before Arriving Towards Any Judgments

Take the time to listen to your child's answers. It may be evident to you where your child has succeeded or failed.

Listening to your children demonstrates that their views are valued. They can focus and analyze where they went wrong by vocalizing their point of view (or right). Their perspective on things could help you see where the problems or answers are.

Using Action Words

Don't we all enjoy encouraging our children by saying "Good girl" or "Good boy"? Consider this: am I telling my child that his conduct is good or that he is good when I say good boy? This small shift in perception can make a big effect.  

So always explain why we're expressing something in your compliments or criticisms.

Instead of saying, "You've disappointed me," say, "I'm disappointed that you haven't eaten any green veggies." This indicates that I am dissatisfied with your actions rather than with you.

Directed Towards the Future

Remember that the goal of feedback is to plan for the future, not to linger on the past. It is to improve the future, although we must certainly consider previous and current acts.  

Allowing Reflection Time

Feedback does not have to be advised; there might be a time for your children to ponder. Instead of offering comments, we should ask children, "Do you think you did this well or could you have done it better?" Allow them to evaluate their own efforts. Self-evaluation is a crucial and beneficial life skill.

Ways to Encourage Our Kids with Constructive Feedback

Stop! Before You Give Any Feedback

We want the best for our children; therefore, we offer our perspectives in order to help them improve, learn, and grow.  

However, because offering feedback is more of an art than a science, it's critical to take a moment to think before responding.

Take a time to consider the importance and intent of your remarks.

• Is this input constructive, or is this just my opinion/complaint?

• What are they hoping to achieve with this feedback?

• Is this feedback consistent with your core values?

• Will your child be able to be the best version of themselves as a result of this?

Allow some time for self-reflection before making any comments. Find out what the child should be able to take. 

If you're still not sure, consider the "3 Gates" speech technique: Is what I've said accurate? Are they beneficial? Are they considerate?  

You may be sure that your remarks will be well-received if you take a moment to consider these questions.

Emphasis on the “How”

Recognize that offering feedback necessitates focus and compassion on your part. It's just as essential how we give our kids feedback as it is what we say.

Our children must first trust us before he or she may accept input from us. It's lot simpler for them to accept criticism as constructive rather than a personal assault when they know we have their best interests at heart.

Here are some more things to think about:

• Balance out both positive and negative feedback on a frequent basis (five positives for every one negative)  

• Share constructive feedback privately (not in front of others)  

• Give positive feedback on a regular basis ("catch them doing good").

The Sandwich Concept

Consider your all-time favorite sandwich filling. What are your children's favorite activities? Maybe it's coco peanut butter! It could be grilled cheese or chicken. Alternatively, how about onions, olives, and mayonnaise? Can be anything!

The possibilities are unlimited, but they all have one thing in common: our favorite filling sandwiched between two slices of bread.

Consider it like your favorite sandwich the next time you give constructive feedback.

Good statement –> Improvements needed –> Good statement

The "sandwich" is a gentle criticism sandwiched between two positive statements: First: "The breakfast you made was delicious! In the middle:  Maybe you could put your plates in the sink as well. And lastly:  I had a great time eating with you and can't wait to see what you cook next!"

Exercising Guidance

As parents, we know that our little ones will ingest everything we do and spit out identical actions as if they were little versions of ourselves!

Have you ever overheard toddlers conversing on a playground? Or with her siblings?

By listening on their play, you can get a pretty good notion of how the adults in their lives treat them and speak to them. Or paying attention to how they react when they are criticized.

Every statement said to a child has the potential to be repeated at any time.

This is why it's critical to keep our mouths shut and choose our words carefully. It's always easy to tell whose parents have bad mouths and who's encouraging their children!

Show Positive Attention

Children require affection and acceptance from their parents. It's crucial to provide kids with a "daily dose" of smiles, pleasant eye contact, and physical interaction, such as hugs and touches. Parents must pay attention to their children and show an interest in their life. Children, too, require praise and compliments. Feelings of love and affection amongst family members sometimes go unnoticed in our hectic lives. "I adore you," "I'm so glad you're my daughter/son," "I like you just the way you are," and "I believe in you!" are powerful words that help your child develop stability, self-confidence, and trust.

They may consider bad attention to be preferable to no attention at all.

Daily 20 minutes of positive attention bring your child close to you so that they will allow you to judge them and arrive to a favorable conclusion. It's similar to making a financial investment for all time.

Don't Label Your Child to Something Negative

What people tell children about themselves gives them a sense of who they are. When a parent assigns a label to a child, the label will eventually become permanent, with devastating repercussions.

The following is a story I recently found:

A teen sought advice from a well-known educator on issues he was having with his parents. Here's what they talked about at the beginning of their first encounter.

"I have a strained relationship with my father. We have nothing in common. My father is a hard worker. He is a morning person who gets up early. He is at work all day. He volunteers for a number of charitable organizations in his spare time. He is always enrolled in classes. He's always on the move, doing stuff here and there. He is unstoppable. And then there's me.

"Yes?"

"I'm a slacker who doesn't do anything."

So, what occurred, exactly? This boy's father grew up during the Great Depression. He was a complete failure. He climbed out of poverty and is now quite affluent as a result of his tenacity. But he kept the same work ethic that got him out of poverty throughout his life.

On the other side, the son grew up to be a prosperous man. He has a new car, a wallet full of credit cards, and the ability to purchase anything he desires. What is he supposed to be working for?

So, even on his days off, the father gets up early and is constantly busy. The son, like any other adolescent, enjoys sleeping late. So the father is disappointed as he watches his son sleep at 9 a.m., 10 a.m., and 11 a.m.

Finally, he approaches his son and attempts to wake him up.

"Get to your feet! Get out of bed! Get up, you slacker who is good for nothing!"

This went on for about a year.

The father was attempting to communicate a message to his son. "Don't waste your life by sitting around. Get up and do something with your life."

This is an excellent message, yet it was misunderstood.  

"You're a slacker good for nothing bum," the father said. This label had penetrated so deeply that when the youngster met a complete stranger for the first time, he presented himself in this manner.

The basic line is that your child should not be labeled. It will almost likely result in bad consequences.

Be Specific While Providing Feedback

Not all feedback is the same. Feedback must be specific and user-friendly in order to be constructive.

• When we're trying to protect our child's feelings, we often give vague or generic praise. However, at home, comments like "good job" and "you're so brilliant”, “you look very pretty” something like so.  
• Instead, you can tell “s/he worked hard that made the brilliant result or she put effort to dressed up properly”.
• Instead of praising, try to help them understand that you value their effort rather than the outcome. To do so, use more specific words to properly convey the message.

**Focus on what went well and how your child's efforts or performance have evolved since you last gave feedback. Provide information on which your child can reflect.  

Ask for Permission and Give Authority

Our feedback, even when given with the greatest of intentions, can sometimes backfire. It's possible that we'll be left scratching our heads, unsure of what went wrong.

So, how can we get around this? How can we make our children feel more powerful as a result of our feedback?

Begin by requesting permission. "I have some information that might be useful," you might remark. "Are you receptive to hearing it?" Alternatively, "I'd want to offer you some suggestions. It is only information, and it is up to you to decide how you want to use it."

Then, consider the following:

• Avoid using "You” related sentences (Like: what you should do" or what you should improve")

• Using “I” mostly (Like: what I'd do" or "Here's what worked best for me")

• Getting their feedback ("What do you think you did well?" or "Have you considered doing it a different way?") so they can feel less overwhelmed next time.

Giving your child power over the feedback process can also assist them in problem-solving and future planning.  

If your child is anxious because they put off doing their schoolwork until the last minute, inquire about how they felt while waiting and what tactics they may take to feel less overwhelmed next time.

Try To Control Your Annoyance

It's natural for parents to be disappointed when their children don't make the grade or to be ecstatic when they perform well. When our child makes a mistake due to a lack of effort or application, we may become enraged.

When delivering comments, though, stay away from the tears, threats, and exuberant superlatives. Maintain a neutral tone. It's not about how their work and results effect you; it's about assisting them in analyzing and reflecting on their work.

Don't allow your rage get the best of you. It's a child, not an adult, you're dealing with.  

• Keep in mind that children have feelings as well. No one enjoys being scolded in a violent manner.  
• Try not to talk to your child the next time you lose your cool.  

• Allow yourself time to relax and calm down, even if it takes hours.  
• Only approach your children once you've calmed down. When speaking to your children, you must use a calm, caring tone and with some constructive feedbacks.  

Make Your Children Aware About the Consequences of Their Mistakes

Another crucial element to remember is that you should only criticize the wrongdoing, not your child. Make sure your children realize that what bothers you is their behavior, not themselves, when you offer your criticism.  

For example, if your children become addicted to television or a tablet, inform them that you are concerned because too much screen time might lead to vision problems. You should tell them that you don't want them to wear glasses.  

Encourage them to participate in a variety of activities that will keep their minds active.

Be Gentle and Compassionate

Even if you know they didn't try very hard, don't undermine their confidence or trample on their self-esteem with nasty, negative words. This isn't to say you shouldn't bring up weaker areas with them; just do so gently.

Try the 'positive-negative-sandwich,' in which a negative statement (or problem to be addressed) is sandwiched between two good, encouraging ones. "I appreciate how you've laid out all of your workouts such that it's incredibly obvious to see your strategy and how you arrived at your conclusion," for example." (Positive).

'You might want to go over your nine times table again, because this is where you got stopped...'" (Negative)

"However, I see you've gotten the hang of long division now." (Positive)

Avoid lecturing them if their bad result was totally their fault - perhaps because they were lazy or didn't apply themselves.  

Anxiety, fear of taking risks, or low self-esteem ("What's the purpose in trying?") could all be contributing factors. They may also require assistance and support with planning and time management.  

Resist the need to say, "I told you so!" and instead help them figure out what's causing their lack of desire.

Avoid Praising Rather Encourage

Of course, your child will like hearing about their abilities and intelligence. Regrettably, this may have a negative impact on their future drive and effort.  

How would they approach truly challenging situations if they don’t believe they must rely on their innate abilities?

• Instead, encourage and appreciate them on the aspects of their accomplishments that they had control over, such as preparation, practice, approach, attitude, troubleshooting, perseverance, and originality.
• When things go wrong, don't reward effort.
• When they've done something horrible, there's nothing worse than being told, "At least you tried." Rather tell “it seems you tired a lot. But I must say trying a little more than this time would bring better result for you next time surely”.  

**It's preferable to be precise and highlight the aspects of the process that were effective as a result of hard work and application.

Age Specific Constructive Criticism

Here are some examples of constructive criticism as per your child’s age.  

For Toddler

• Have your child examine themselves in the mirror during dressing to see if their clothes are on correctly, their shoes are on the right feet, and so on, asking, "Does that look (or feel) right?"

• Demonstrate to toddlers how properly holding a cup or spoon helps reduce spillage, and be prepared to demonstrate them again and again. You can suggest her saying like this “help me carry the cups way to the kitchen”. Eventually they will get it.  
• Allow toddlers to play with toys or games however they want during playtime, unless they are doing so in an inappropriate or harmful manner. Instead, responding, "You're doing it badly," you could suggest, "Try moving it this way," or "Try it again."

For School-Ae Children

• Instead of criticizing at chore and homework time, let evaluate your child if the chore or assignment is well done. You can ask Would they consider the chore well done if their brother or sister performed it that way? Will the assignment be praised by parents or teachers?

**Along with the solution, children might learn that studying a teacher's comments on a project can help them get better grades on future projects.

• Encourage learning new games and their rules during gameplay. Even if the child is doing anything incorrectly, refrain from making unpleasant comments. "I think you'll be more effective doing it this way," "It helps me to...", or "Could you read that rule again?"
• If children are upset after a game, explain that everyone wants to win, but this is not possible. Assist children in seeing what they could have done differently to win, if anything. Then assist them in moving on to a new opportunity, a different game, or some practice drills to help them enhance a skill.
• School-aged children sometimes have friendship issues and may require assistance in putting themselves in the shoes of others. You can explain to your child that it's normal and that things will be better soon.

For Tweens & Teens

• Teach tweens and teens how to evaluate chores and homework assignments, emphasizing the importance of doing things well the first time and the natural consequences of doing so. For example, if they don't choose and put his cloth in the washing machine, you might remind him by saying, "You have an outing coming up soon, don't wait to choose your cloth or you mightn't able to go."

• At this age, time management becomes more crucial for children, so instead of rushing your teen, assist him to manage his/her time better purposefully. You can let him practice by saying “if you do the study by 8pm we all together can enjoy dinner?”  
• Children’s' hygiene might be a source of criticism from their peers. As a result, assist children in determining whether or not they are ready. When it comes to constructive comments concerning a teen's cleanliness, honesty is the best policy. Hearing about body odor or poor breath from your friends is far more embarrassing. A solution for this would be to take him to the dentist or doctor to get an appropriate idea.