The happiness and love that your first baby brought into your life is beyond measure, and now maybe you want to have another baby or you're expecting. For your first baby, preparing can be as rewarding and special. But having a second child and handling two kids can be a bit overwhelming sometimes.  

When you have your first baby, you are preoccupied with learning how to take care of a newborn.  But with your second baby, you may be concerned about how your older one will respond to having a new sibling — and how you'll fulfill both of their needs.  

Many questions may emerge as you plan for your second kid, such as- when is the ideal time to have another child? What else should you consider while  making the decision? Will the firstborn be shortchanged on attention? What should you do to prepare yourself?  

No one can answer that question but you, and there's a lot to consider. This choice requires a lot of consideration, such as deciding when to stop taking birth control, calculating how much time to take off work, and evaluating whether you can still afford all the financial needs.

For some couples, planning for a second child can seem deceptively easy as they’ve already been through raising a child before. At the same time, some say deciding to have a second child is even harder than deciding whether to have a first because you're not just talking about having a baby – you're talking about changing a family dynamic.

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When is the best time to have another child?

When a couple decides to have a second child, they often consider the optimum age difference between the two. There is no correct answer to this; it is entirely a personal choice that is influenced by a number of factors such as health, finances, and personal preferences.  

Some may want to give a gap of two years, many may want to wait for as long as five years. Here we have listed a few points which will help you in deciding the ideal inter-pregnancy interval.

1 to 2 Year Age Gap Between Kids:

‍In general, siblings that are closer in age demonstrate less sibling rivalry and they tend to build a stronger bond. The first one is too young to understand the sense of jealousy. The two become playmates.

But the drawbacks to having kids close together are the intense needs of a toddler and a baby which sometimes can take a toll on the mother’s body. When you have two young children you have two sets of diapers, two kids who may not sleep through the night, two kids to potty train. Everything is doubled.

Also the fact remains that the mother’s body is just recovering from the previous birth and she may still be breastfeeding. In this case mothers may be forced to wean the first child off for safety reasons.

However, some parents say the initial years may be tough but it is rewarding in the long run.  

2-Year to 4-Year Age Gap:

Doctors recommend couples to wait two years before having a second child. Not only is it beneficial to the health of both mothers and infants, but the first one also reaches a period where he or she can express his/her opinion and begin to understand things more clearly.

The downside is, sibling rivalry is strongest during these years and parents are often already struggling with a toddler who is developing a strong sense of identity and loves to use the word “No!”

On the upside, As the kids become older, the two-year age gap works out quite nicely. They are close in age and love being around and playing with each other, yet they have their own hobbies and identities.

Gap of 4 Years and More:

Sibling rivalry is usually substantially reduced when there is a four-year or more age gap. By this time the older child is secure in him or herself and quite independent.

In addition, the mother’s body is fully recovered from the challenges of pregnancy and birth of the first child. The larger age gap gives parents more one-on-one time with each child and provides an opportunity to get back into the workforce if you so choose.  

But the drawback is getting pregnant after so many years once again may be harder for your body. Experts also say that after three or more years, a second pregnancy could mean more risks in pregnancy and childbirth. If you wait up to five years, you may get hypertension, kidney disorders and even diabetes!

What Research Says

‍According to the World Health Organization, there should be at least a 24-month interval between your first and second baby. By this time, the mother’s body gets fully recovered from her first pregnancy as she replenishes the nutrients she lost in her first pregnancy. Even if the interval isn't 24 months, a minimum of 18 months should be maintained.

Women should try to avoid becoming pregnant within six months of giving birth, and ideally wait at least 18 months, according to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), in order to give one‘s bodies the time they need to restock depleted vitamins, shed pregnancy weight, and get their reproductive systems back in baby-making shape.

A 2018 study published in the journal JAMA Internal Medicine found that women who wait fewer than 12 months between giving birth to one child and conceiving the next face greater risk of illness, death, and spontaneous preterm delivery.  

On the other hand, some studies show that low birth weight, preterm birth, and smaller size are more likely in babies whose moms let five years or more pass before they get pregnant. Having babies after 35 or more than 10 years apart puts the mothers at a higher risk of developing preeclampsia.  

One last thing, for as much thought and worry as parents put into figuring out when to have another child, there really is no single best time to have another child. Undoubtedly, when to have a second child is your decision but you wouldn’t want to compromise on mother’s health. Only once she fully recovers from her first pregnancy, she must think about the second one as the perfect time.  

Things to Consider While Planning for a Second Pregnancy

1. Age Factor

‍According to fertility research, women above the age of 35 are more likely to experience pregnancy-related illnesses such as abortion and premature delivery. Women under the age of 30 should prioritize their physical health when considering having a second child, because a healthy woman can bear a healthy baby without jeopardizing her own health.

2. Health Factor

‍When you get pregnant, your body undergoes significant changes, which can only occur if your health is in tip-top shape. Even if your first pregnancy was not too long ago, if you’ve recovered and are in good health, you can have a second baby.

3. Finances

‍Finances play a crucial role in second child planning, as the costs immediately double. Are you and your partner both working? Do you plan properly on giving both your children formal education? Such questions need to be thought about well in advance when planning your finances.

4. Goals As a Family

‍You and your spouse must be on the same page when it comes to raising a second kid. There will be times when you and your partner have opposing viewpoints. One may want to wait for a while or not have kids at all. It's important that you and your partner discuss your objectives and how you can work together to achieve a common goal.

5. Career

‍Your career will take a backseat for a while as you devote time to your newborn. Keep that in mind while you are planning for a second child.  

6. Age Gap

‍Your first child is also taken into consideration while planning for a second child. Would you like your children to be playmates? In that scenario, a smaller gap is preferable because they are of the same age group and get along well.

7. Helping Hands

‍When you're pregnant for the second time, you'll need extra support because your first kid will need to be cared for. Do you have someone you can rely on to look after your child? Do your parents live close by so that they can lend a hand with your baby?

8. Accommodation

‍Having a new child in the family would need a re-evaluation of your living space. Once the infant grows older, you may need to move into a larger home or have the kids sleep in the same room.

9. Delivery

‍If you’ve had a caesarean section for your firstborn, you would have to repeat the process if the gap is less than two years. Mothers opting for natural delivery should also keep that point in mind.  

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Getting Ready to welcome Second Child

Before welcoming your second child, it is very important to prepare in advance. Here are things you must do beforehand:
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Prepare your Firstborn

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• Share the news with your firstborn whenever you're ready and try to get him/her excited about the new role. It's very important that you prepare him/her properly which will decrease the possibilities of sibling rivalry.  

• Make a safe arrangement to ensure that your firstborn is not neglected during labor and delivery. This will be a point where you both will be separated, and someone else you trust would have to take your role. This can even be your partner, parents, or a close relative  

• Make a daily routine for your child to follow. Have a practice session with the person who will be caring for your child while you are away. Any doubts may be resolved in person rather than having to make an inconvenient phone call to the hospital.

• Raising a child may be costly, so it's not a bad idea to repurpose materials from your previous pregnancy. You may reuse your previous pregnant robe, unisex newborn clothing, and booties. Old sheets with stains can be washed and reused.  

• Keeping a notebook for your babysitter is a good idea. You can provide any information about your firstborn that the babysitter needs to know. It might be a list of cartoons your child likes, activities to keep him/her busy, snacks he/she enjoys, and so on. You can even write reminders of any medication your child might need.
• Let your eldest child hear and understand that you are prioritizing him.

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Plan Ahead

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• Stock up on baby essentials such as diapers, nursing bras, breast pumps, a baby monitor, etc.

• Consider reorganizing your laundry system using one hamper per family member or a basket for each child so it's easier to sort and fold clothing. Laundry is usually the biggest complaint of new parents — it seems to triple when another child arrives, so now is the time to prepare.  

• Make sure you have plenty of fast and easy dishes on hand. If you feel up to cooking, make double portions and freeze them. After the baby is delivered, it will be more difficult to find energy. Keep some menus of takeout food restaurants handy, including a few that deliver.

• Instead of buying everything new, use stuff you already have (or that family members may share). Hand-me-downs like cribs, bassinets, strollers, high chairs, and clothing can save time and money if they satisfy current safety standards.

• Make the most of it by baby proofing areas and ensuring that everything is in its proper place before your second child arrives. When you go home from the hospital, you'll have to balance time with your kids and other errands.

• Set up a diaper station with all the requirements, such as wipes, diapers, creams, etc.

Prepare Yourself

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• Don't be too hard on yourself. I understand how difficult it is for you to divide your attention between multiple children. It might make you feel guilty at times. Rather try to plan accordingly.

• Try to prioritize one-on-one time with each child. You can make a point of taking turns with your children — just because the newborn was crying it didn’t mean you immediately went to them, especially if your firstborn was hugging you or needed something. He needed to know that the crying baby didn’t make his needs moot. And when you did go to the baby, it was the baby’s turn.

• Have confidence; You've got this! It's less stressful emotionally since you have dealt with the hormonal shifts earlier or just don't have time to overthink. Physically, sometimes it feels challenging because you have another child to care for. But, in general, it's easier and less stressful since you now know where to focus your attention, time, and money.

How to prepare your older child for a new sibling

Your first child may experience a wide variety of emotions, from joy to jealousy to bitterness. Younger toddlers who are unable to express their emotions may revert to earlier habits such as thumb sucking, wanting to drink from a bottle, forgetting their toilet training abilities, and using baby language to attract your attention.

Older toddlers and children might express their feelings by testing your patience, misbehaving, throwing tantrums, or refusing to eat. These issues are usually temporary, and a little planning ahead of time may help an older one adjust to the concept of a new sibling.

Regardless of your older child's age, make sure that he or she gets individual attention when the new baby arrives. If you're taking pictures or videos, include your older child. Take pictures or videos of him or her alone, too. Consider having a few small gifts on hand to give to your older child in case friends visit with gifts for the new baby.

Toddlers - Ages 1 To 2 Years

This age group will have little understanding of what it means to have a new brother or sister. However, let your child hear you talk about the "new baby" and feel your excitement. She may not understand why you are excited, but your enthusiasm will rub off on her, and she will become overjoyed as well.

Keep in mind, you may not be able to satisfy the needs of both children all the time—especially not by yourself. If you feel overwhelmed, look to your partner, other relatives, and friends for support and an extra set of arms.

• Take a look at these new baby photo books: At the very least, your child will become familiar with words like "sister," "brother," and "new baby."
• Make an effort to do something special for your older child when the new baby arrives: Reassure her that she is still loved. Some ideas include giving her a special gift, letting her spend some time alone with dad, grandma, or another special adult, or taking her somewhere special.

Preschoolers - Ages 2 To 4 Years

At this age, your child is still very attached to you and does not yet understand how to share you with others. Your child also may be very sensitive to change and may feel threatened by the idea of a new family member. Here are some suggestions that may help ease your preschooler into being a big brother or big sister.

• Before you inform your preschooler about the baby, give it some time: When you start buying nursery furniture or baby items for your child, or if he starts inquiring about mom's increasing "tummy," explain it to him. Picture books for preschoolers can be very helpful. Tell your child before someone else tells him about the new baby.

• Be honest: Explain that the baby will be cute and cuddly but will also cry and take a lot of your time and attention. Also, make sure that your older child knows that it may be a while before he can play with the new baby. Reassure your child that you will love him just as much after the baby is born as you do now.

• Involve your preschooler in planning for the baby: This will make him less jealous. Let him shop with you for baby items. Show him his own baby pictures. If you are going to use some of his old baby things, let him play with them a bit before you get them ready for the new baby. Buy your child (boy or girl) a doll so he/she can take care of "his/her" baby.

• Major adjustments in your child's schedule should occur at the following times: If you can, finish toilet training or switching from a crib to a bed before the baby arrives. If that is not possible, put them off until after the baby is settled in at home. Otherwise, your child may feel overwhelmed by trying to learn new things on top of all the changes caused by the new baby.

• Be prepared for your youngster to regress slightly: Your toilet-trained child, for example, could suddenly start having "accidents" or want to drink from a bottle. This is normal and is your older child's way of making sure he still has your love and attention. Rather of asking him to act his age, give him the attention he requires. Praise him when he behaves more maturely. ‍

• Prepare your child for when you are in the hospital: He may be confused when you leave for the hospital. Explain that you'll be returning in a few days with the new baby. ‍

• Make time just for your older child: Together, you may read, play games, listen to music, or simply speak. Show him that you love him and want to do things with him. Also, make him feel a part of things by having him cuddle next to you when you feed the baby.

• ‍When relatives and friends arrive to visit the new baby, ask them to spend some time with your older child: This will help him feel special and not leave out all the excitement. They might also give him a small gift when they bring gifts for the baby. ‍

• Have your older child spend time with dad: A new baby presents a great opportunity for fathers to spend time alone with older children.

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School-Aged Children - Ages 5 and above

Children older than 5 years are less likely to be intimidated by a new infant than younger children. However, they may resent the attention the new baby gets. It is necessary to  prepare your school-aged child for the arrival of a new baby

• Tell your child what is going on in a language she can understand: Explain what it means to have a new baby and what changes he or she may experience, both positive and negative.

• Allow your older child to assist you in preparing for the arrival of the new baby; by fixing up the baby's room, picking out clothes, or buying diapers.

• If possible, have your older child come to the hospital soon after the baby is born; so she feels part of the growing family. ‍

• When you bring the new baby home, make your older child feel that she has a role to play in caring for the baby: Tell your older child that he or she is allowed to hold the infant, but must first ask you. Give a lot of compliments when he/she is kind and caring towards the baby.  ‍

• Do not overlook your older child's needs and activities: Let your older one know how much you love him/her. Make an effort to spend some time alone with him/her each day; use that as a chance to remind everyone how special he/she is.

Frequently asked questions by second time parents and our answers:

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What is the best way to introduce your older child to his or her new sibling?

When the new baby arrives, have a family member or friend bring your older one to the hospital or birth center for a quick visit. Allow another family member to carry the newborn for a while so that both parents can give the older child lots of hugs.

Consider giving your older child a gift that's from the baby, such as a T-shirt that says big brother or big sister. When you're home, take your older child to a special place — such as a favorite playground — to celebrate the new baby's arrival.

What should you do if your child starts misbehaving?

Your older child might try to get attention by breaking rules, throwing tantrums or misbehaving — even if it means being punished. To stop this behavior, praise your older child when he or she is behaving well.  If you suspect your child is showing bad behavior in order to attract your attention, consider ignoring the behavior. This might encourage your child to look for a more positive way to get your attention. Talk to your older child. Ask him or her how it feels to have a new sibling and please listen empathetically to learn what really bothers him/her.

Remember that with the arrival of a new baby, children may regress or behave younger than their age, such as having toilet training accidents or drinking from a bottle. These are normal reactions to the stress of a new sibling that require tolerance rather than punishment. During regressive moments, show your older child affection and reassurance.

What can you do to teach your older child to be kind with the newborn?

When older children are upset by the changes in their environment, they may vent their frustrations on a new infant. If your older child tries to hurt the baby, it's time for a talk  about what is and isn't appropriate behaviour. Also, pay special attention to your older kid and include him or her in activities involving the infant, such as singing, bathing, or changing diapers. When your older child acts gently toward the new infant, give him or her a lot of praise.

**Even if your children seem to get along, supervision is essential. Don't leave your newborn alone with a sibling or other loved one younger than age 12.

How will my older child react to breast-feeding?

If you intend to breast-feed your newborn, you may be concerned about how your older child will respond or how you will keep your older child occupied while you nurse. When your older child first sees that you are breast-feeding, he or she may get agitated. Please explain your actions to your child and answer any questions he or she may have. If you breast-fed your older child, explain that you once did the same thing for him or her.

Consider creating a breast-feeding routine that involves your older child. He or she can play a special role, such as helping with a diaper change before the feeding or getting you a pillow. To keep your child entertained while you nurse, set out special toys or a workbook beforehand. Play music or audio versions of children's books. Invite your older child to cuddle with you while you nurse. If your older child asks if he or she can nurse, the decision is up to you. Most older children find the experience somewhat strange and lose interest.  

How do I explain a medical issue to my older child?

Explain to your older child that his or her baby sister or brother is sick, and you're concerned. If your baby needs to stay in the hospital after he or she is born, ask about the sibling visitation policy. You might also take pictures of the baby and show them to your older child.

Keep in mind that if you don't talk to your older child about the baby's condition, he or she will likely still sense that something is wrong. Rather than keeping your older child in the dark, give him or her some information about the situation and show that you're also there for him or her.  

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