"I can't play football." I’m not strong enough”.

“I can’t even get excellent grades. I feel terrible about myself.”

If any of these sentiments sound familiar to you, and your child frequently thinks and speaks in a way that conveys a lack of self-worth, you are certainly not alone. Every parent, at some point in their lives, will have to deal with their child's self-esteem difficulties.

Growing up in today's environment is extremely exhausting not just for our children but also for parents. It's a difficult time to be a kid these days. In recent years, the number of teenage suicides has increased dramatically. Bullying has been reported by more than one out of every five students. There has never been more pressure on students to succeed academically.

Bullying, teenage depression- anxiety, continual peer pressure, increasing rate of suicide- put all the parents in a spot where most of us don’t know what to do! How can we protect our children or how do we train our little one to battle and live in this harsh world?

Most children experience pressure from diverse societal norms and end up having low self-esteem. Also, loss of self-esteem and confidence makes it challenging for them to function well intellectually, emotionally and socially.

When children lack confidence, they’re reluctant to try new things, they may shy away from challenges, or dislike studying or even lack the courage to pursue any hobbies . Also they’re scared of failing and disappointing others.

A parent has the potential to build their child's self esteem by encouraging them to take on new challenges and learn from their errors. Your role is to offer guidance, not interference. That means, if your child is struggling with a problem, you shouldn’t give away a solution. Ask thought-provoking questions instead, or encourage other perspectives.

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Teaching Children to Value Ownself

Self-esteem, in the simplest terms, is a reflection of how we view ourselves–our sense of self-worth. Developing a sense of who we are in the world begins with the interactions we form at a very young age.

Children who have a positive self-image and are more confident and optimistic in their interactions. If a child's sense of self-worth is less positive, they may experience anxiety and emotions of discouragement.

The most effective strategy to help your child develop a healthy sense of self is to assist them in working through challenging times with you and other people in their lives. It is important for your child to understand that when things go wrong, they have the power to fix them.

Because of this, they feel like they are making a difference in the world. The process of correcting mistakes provides vitality to both your child and your relationship. As a result, they feel more resilient and hopeful. In contrast, avoiding conflict in an effort to make things smooth can create a sense of anxiety and fear of disruption.

A healthy sense of self-worth does not imply being narcissistic or arrogant

A child's self-perception includes how they view themselves, their capabilities, and their sense of worth. It's influenced by how much love they feel and how much support and encouragement (or criticism) they receive from important persons in their life, such as their parents and teachers.

Being self-confident does not mean thinking that the world revolves around you or that your needs are more important than those of other people. Arrogance, narcissism, and entitlement are not characteristics of good self-esteem. Balance out your child's self-esteem with other important values such as having empathy, being kind, having good manners, being charitable, and having a sense of gratitude.

Why do kids have low self-esteem?

Children's self-assurance is put to the test each time they go through a transition. They must learn how to grow outside their comfort zones. When they navigate these challenges successfully, their confidence develops. 

The pressures of life can be too much for some children to bear. Negative messages are more difficult to forget than positive messages. It becomes increasingly difficult to deal with problems at home and at school.

This is when low self-esteem begins to creep in, and even bright students may find themselves with poor grades. It's possible that children will come to believe that they aren't "good enough."

When we know what causes low self-esteem, we can help our children overcome it.

Here are a few potential explanations

1. Uninvolved Parents: A lack of attention from parents might make it difficult for a child to feel driven enough to want more and attempt new activities. It also has the effect of making children feel unimportant and overlooked. Children, on the other hand, believe that no one cares about what they do or how they feel.

According to psychologist Suzanne Lachmann, this can ultimately lead to children who think they should apologize for their entire existence.

2. Negative feedback: When a youngster receives negative feedback from their parents or caregivers, it has a significant impact on their self-esteem. For example, relentless negative feedback (you are stupid, useless, lazy, etc.), suggesting life would be better without them, ignoring or treating children as an annoyance, and unfavorable comparisons with other children can all damage a child’s sense of self-worth.

Research has also identified several indirect factors that appear to impact a child’s self-esteem, including gender, performance at school, parents’ education level and employment status, and socioeconomic status (Nguyen et al., 2019)

3. Comparing youngsters to their peers and siblings: We've all seen or heard parents exclaim, "Look at your sister, she's doing so well in school!" or ‘wow! Your brother is amazing in sports. Please try to learn something from him’. Every time after passing those comments, while you are not intended to hurtful your child but may be you can not even imagine how your words hurt. A child's sense of self-worth is shattered when he/she is compared to his/her peers or siblings, even if the words aren't intentional.

4. Performance Stress: As children get older, their parents and other adults begin to have specific expectations of them. In some cases, children may feel obligated to exceed these expectations, and this causes performance-based anxiety to set in. When this happens, a child's self-esteem continues to fall with each missed step they take.

Furthermore, a study published in the Journal of Experimental Child Psychology determined that children who receive criticism for poor performance or feel like parents are disappointed in them feel even worse about themselves. The outcome? Performance pressure and criticism may wreak havoc on even the strongest sense of self-worth.

5. Trying not to tell them that they can't do something is easy: In order to keep your child motivated when he or she is having difficulty acquiring a new skill, like learning a new word or completing a math problem, you may tell them, "don't worry, it's so easy." Instead of assisting your child, it makes them anxious, afraid, and ashamed for not being able to perform something that should be so simple. So, starting today, attempt to say something along the lines of: 'I understand that reading those big words is difficult, but I also understand that you can accomplish it.'

6. Mum’s Let yourself off the hook: Mums! Sometimes, when you're looking in the mirror, you're self-conscious about the way your skin looks or how much weight you've put on. That time you forget one thing- your child is watching you, learning from you. How can kids be confident in their own lives if they see that their mother is not happy and confident?

7. A traumatic or abusive experience: Low self-esteem can be caused by physical, sexual, or emotional abuse, as well. One of the most major problems is that it causes children to lose all trust in themselves and others. Shame is a powerful emotion that erodes self-esteem swiftly in youngsters who are subjected to bullying or other maltreatment. Even if the trauma or abuse is short-lived, it will stick with a child for years or even decades. A youngster will continue to suffer from poor self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness until they learn how to handle the emotions that have arisen as a result of the experience.

Tips for Raising Self-Assured Children

The best thing you can do to safeguard your child from this chaotic world is to instill a sense of self-worth in them. A strong sense of self-worth is a child's ticket to a lifetime of mental and social well-being and happiness. It’s the foundation of a child’s well-being and the key to success as an adult. It will help him sail through life challenges, get along with others in life in a confident way. Children who are reared with low self-esteem grow up to be adults who are unable to make decisions and who believe they are less valuable than others. How a person views themselves, performs, and deals with difficult situations all originate from a person's self-confidence.

The good news is that you have a lot of options for helping your youngster in developing confidence. Acknowledging your child's accomplishments, abilities, and efforts are the first steps in helping them develop self-confidence. Giving them words of hope and encouragement will aid them in achieving their ambitions and aspirations. Parents should teach their children that every setback is an opportunity to grow and learn something new.

Some of the best ways to enhance your child's self-esteem are as follows:

1. Stop being a boss and start being a coach: Coaches work with children to help them improve their skills, but children are ultimately responsible for the outcome of the match. As a parent, it is your responsibility to provide all of the resources necessary for your child to reach her full potential. When you do things FOR your child, you are restricting him/her the opportunity to develop one's own abilitiesDoing things WITH them teaches them how and builds confidence. This means that we must deal with our own stress and let go of our desire to control.

2. Assign Tasks to Them: It is one of the simplest and most crucial techniques to boost your child's self-confidence. You should try out significant yet simple jobs to see how they go. Cooking or babysitting their younger siblings is a good way to get them involved. When children realize that they are a valued member of the family, they are more likely to do their best. As a parent, you must ensure that your child is engaged in all of the necessary activities, which will in turn help them to become more confident.

3. Set Age-Appropriate Challenges for Your Kids: Setting attainable goals that can be completed without difficulty is another great strategy to raise a confident child. Imagine yourself as a parent of a 2-year-old kid. It is quite obvious that you won’t give a toddler a pair of shoes with laces and expect them to tie properly. Two-year-olds are unable to develop the fine motor skills they need, even with practice. As a result, this assignment is not a good fit for their ability. Make sure that the task you assign to your child is appropriate for their age and ability level.To help her gain self-confidence, encourage her to take on small, achievable goals.

4. Don't Allow Them to Remain in Their Comfort Zone: When children (and adults, for that matter) are engaged in activities that they know they are good at, they are more likely to feel confident. Moving children out of their comfort zone helps them to experience new things, which teaches them that they can handle other challenges. It also helps kids discover new interests and talents.

5. Encouragement is key. In addition, self-encouragement should be taught.: All of us are in need of encouragement. Giving your child encouragement not only keeps him motivated and cheerful, but it also provides him an inner voice that will help him motivate himself throughout his life. When the going gets rough, teach your youngster a few maxims that they can repeat to themselves as mantras. In order to assist us deal with our irritation, the phrase "Practice produces progress!" and "If you don't succeed, try, try again!" and "I think I can, I think I can!" might be used. An internal voice of encouragement and motivation is needed when your child messes up a piece on the piano or when your daughter hits a home run with the bases loaded. Otherwise, the disappointed criticizing voice will rise to the surface.

6. Instead of criticizing, describing, and empathizing: The outcome of your child's action is evaluated through praise: "Wonderful work!" It doesn't give the child much information about what was good about what he did, or why you think it was good, and it teaches the child to rely on external sources to evaluate him. To improve the quality of your praise, give your youngster the authority to evaluate it for himself. Just express what he did and try to understand how he may be feeling: "You simply kept practicing and didn't give up. This accomplishment must have made you feel fantastic."

7. Do your best and don't worry about the outcome: "I can tell you put a lot of effort into this." "Wow! How did you do that?"

Give positive feedback about specific things that she has control over, like hard work or perseverance, rather than things she feels she has no control over, like being smart. If you don't want her to rest on her laurels at the age of six, or sixteen, then the point isn't the product. Your goal is for her to keep trying, practicing, and improving, and for her to realize that she can achieve her goals if she puts out the necessary effort.

8. Keep in mind that perfection is not the goal: As grown-ups we know perfection is unrealistic, and it’s important for kids to get that message as early as possible. Help kids see that whether it’s on TV, in a magazine, or on a friend’s social media feed, the idea that others are always happy, successful, and perfectly dressed is a fantasy, and a destructive one. Remind them that they are not alone in their imperfection, and that it is perfectly OK.

Don't be tempted to "improve" on your child's task unless the outcome is critical to you or your youngster. Constant involvement weakens a child's self-confidence and stops him from learning on his own.

9. Give Verbal Appreciation for Their Strengths: Instead of simply saying "good work" or "I like your drawing," utilize terms that emphasize your child's abilities when praising their efforts.

Even if they aren't finding success, it's important to recognize their strengths. For example, "I know you can't ride your bike yet, but I encourage you to keep trying since you're such a dedicated and persistent person, and your efforts will eventually pay off."

10. Confidence Is Contagious, So Act Like It: Don't forget to show off your confidence to your children because they are always watching you. First and foremost, focus on positive self-talk as a starting point. 

If your children overhear you saying that you are not capable enough or that you are unable to take on new problems on your own, they will likely adopt this attitude. You need to show them that you're willing to go the additional mile, even if it means stepping out of your comfort zone. 

It's possible that you'll find yourself in a situation where you have to give a presentation at work, but you're terrified of public speaking. That’s normal. You can tell your kids that you are scared and let them know that even you face such fears. As already stated above, you can ask them for their valuable advice. How would they deal with such a tedious challenge of public speaking? How do they cope with their anxieties? 

Because of this, your children will come to understand that even confidence can be learned, which will aid in your family's development as a unit.

11. Let Them Decide and always seek their views: In today's society, the majority of children have little or no say in their own future. What time do they need to get up, what clothes they should wear and what food they should eat? As their parents, you tell them all of this and more. Main issue is that when people are unable to make their own decisions, they feel helpless. But once you start giving your kids choices, they learn how to take up the responsibility for their actions and decisions and grow into more confident adults. Also, by asking them about their ideas and feelings, you're letting them know that you're interested in what they have to say.

You might begin by allowing children to make their own decisions in their daily routines. When it comes to taking a shower or a bath, it's important to know what they enjoy. In addition to determining what time of day they want to do their schoolwork, they might also acquire any new task-management techniques. Their self-esteem will rise as a result of these small decisions that they make.

12. Focus on what they enjoy doing: Let’s be honest, part of parenthood is feigning interest in all sorts of things from snakes to cartoons, from bugs to dolls, from stuffed animals to a cool scab on a skinned knee. As a result of our attention, a child's enthusiasm is fostered, allowing them to discover their own abilities, understand their worth, and form relationships with others. Don't be afraid to let your child try something a little out of the ordinary. Let them play table-tennis if everyone else in their class is playing football. It's impossible to predict where someone's true passion lies.

13. Do not be afraid of the feelings of your child: Remember that your empathy will play a crucial role in helping your child overcome their feelings of frustration. Instead of immediately removing the source of the frustration, place it in a bigger context by expressing your compassion that he is forced to deal with this situation: "I'm sorry this is so difficult..."

I'm sorry, but this isn't what you expected..."

Disappointment and frustration are perfectly acceptable feelings for youngsters. Unconditional support from you will allow your child to cope with his/her feelings of sadness and sorrow. In the end, he/she'll be eager to try again the next day, especially if you reassure him/her that you believe in their abilities. That's how youngsters learn to cope with adversity.

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Consider the Half-Full Perspective

When your youngster is down and out, encourage him or her to look on the bright side of things by being optimistic. Remind your child to see the silver lining in every situation. Aside from helping to improve their current condition, this also moves them closer to achieving their long-term objectives. Make them understand that it is okay to make mistakes and everyone learns at their own pace. 

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