Parenting is widely regarded as one of the most challenging jobs in the world. We all know there is no formal instruction available on how to do it well.  

Correct?

Samira is fed up with her preteen daughter’s nagging as she wants her to finish her tasks. Rafi is puzzled as he doesn't get how to put down the video games from his 6 years old kid and focus on his academics. Pitul is having a hard time coping with her teenagers’ strong emotions and moods.

What do these parents have in common? 

The answer is that these parents have little influence over what their children do.

So, as a parent, you must understand how to encourage your children to deal with day-to-day life activities in a responsible manner.

Now, what does encouragement mean in this situation?

If you look closely at the word encourage, you'll see that it includes a root term: Courage. To encourage our children is to instill courage in them. Our children require courage on a daily basis to speak up for what is right and make good decisions at home, at school, and with their peers.

Fear is a common reaction to unfamiliar situations or encounters. Children feel insecure, defenseless, powerless, and anxious in these situations. They rob a child of his or her sense of security and control.

How can we expect kids to succeed in today's competitive world if they never learn to get back up after falling, to face hardship and mistakes with courage and determination?  

It would simply a nightmare!  

Right? So, it’s high time we focus on the topic How to encourage child for life.  

Are Encouragement and Discipline the Same Thing?

Discipline is what we do, and encouragement is who we are. Discipline is not the same as encouragement.  

Encouragement, in my opinion, is like the air we breathe. It comes over in the sparkle in our eyes and the lilt in our voices. Encouragement, when used correctly, inspires excellence and obedience. It allows for optimism and a positive attitude toward even the most difficult activities and responsibilities.  

Encouragement promotes risk-taking, which is essential for growth and compliance.

Discipline, on the other hand, establishes the framework within which the activities can be placed.

Here are ten (10) approaches and activities that we can encourage our child to raise children who aren't scared to try new things, learn new abilities, or overcome barriers.

1. Provide ADEQUATE Positive Attention

Consider this:  Would you be more motivated by a ruthless boss who you despise or a helpful supervisor whom you admire?  

If you're like most individuals, you'll perform at your best when you're working for a wonderful boss.

Parents who lead by example and earn their children's respect are more likely to encourage their children to perform rightward.  

Kids' attention-seeking behaviors and nagging are reduced when they receive regular doses of healthy, positive attention. Consider Positive Attention as a financial investment. Investing extra time now will save you time later.  

Now, the question is “How are you going to do it”?

• Every day, give each child at least 10 minutes of your undivided attention. That may not seem like much to some parents. Giving a child one-on-one time might be difficult for others (especially parents with many children).
• Make a time for you and your child to do something fun together. Play a board game with your child, participate in imaginative play, or simply play with your child's toys.  
• Take a walk with older children or simply spend time conversing with them. Allow your child to choose the activity whenever feasible.

**Avoid using technology, such as video games or screen watching, because the purpose of your time together should be to do something that requires you to engage with one another.

Your child will look forward to spending time with you if you develop regular quality time together. He'll also be more likely to observe the rules and follow your instructions. Parents who pay positive attention to their children are more likely to inspire them to prepare for life the way they desire.

Parental patience and practice are required when transitioning to a positive attention paradigm. It's fine if you go backwards and lose, your cool now and then. You're just human, after all. If this occurs, use it as a teaching opportunity by apologizing, sharing your own feelings, and discussing what you can do differently next time.  

Finally, in addition to encourage a child, using positive attention can help you and your child form a stronger bond. They are more likely to take from you if they feel attached to you. ‍

2. Choose Encouragement over Praise

Encouragement is critical for a child's confidence and self-esteem to grow. Many parents recognize the value of encouraging their children, but they frequently mix encouragement with praise.  

It's possible that what appears to be encouragement is actually praise.

What's the difference between praise and encouragement?

The two concepts are easily confused for one another without even recognizing it. Praise often focuses on verdicts, which can lead to anxiety or pressure to meet expectations.

• Praise is frequently accompanied by a judgment or assessment, such as "best" or "good." When someone praises you like this, it's impossible not to compare yourself to others. It's a value judgment, and it might educate kids to judge their achievement based on someone else's definition of what's valuable.
• Evaluative praise might cause anxiety, encourage dependency, or make people defensive. A child who is constantly informed that his or her artwork is lovely, for example, may not know how to respond to other sorts of comments.  
• Praise might encourage children to "perform" for the sake of what they believe others expect of them rather than for their own enjoyment. A child who is constantly seeking praise from others may never consider what is truly important to her. He or she may set all of his or her goals based on others' expectations.
• Encouragement remarks, on the other hand, are concerned with recognizing a child's abilities. Rather than telling, this style of message should inspire.
• Positive affirmations are based on descriptive feedback. If a child completes a puzzle that was a little difficult, refrain from saying, "Well done!" She may believe that finishing a puzzle is a worthwhile endeavor and that she should continue to do so.  
• Consider how the interaction will differ if you provide special encouragement. You may remark something like, "You completed the puzzle, despite the fact that it was a little difficult!" You persevered in your efforts till you figured it out." This child may now apply the lesson of perseverance to other situations because the message is about perseverance, not riddles.

Carol Dweck, Ph.D, a Stanford University professor, has recently confirmed what Adler taught years ago. Praise is harmful to children. Dweck discovered that praise might deter people from taking risks. When children were commended for their intelligence after completing a task, they picked easier assignments in the future.  

They didn't want to take the chance of making a mistake. When given the option, children who were "encouraged" for their efforts were more likely to pick more difficult jobs.  

**The easy solution is "Encourage the deed, not the doer”. Instead of saying, "You got an A, and I'm very proud of you," try saying, "Congratulations!" You put in a lot of effort. You've earned it."  

It's a minor distinction, but it will alter your child's perception.

Let's return to the reality that children enjoy being praised. (I feel the same way.) Praise is similar to candy. A small amount of something can be immensely fulfilling. It's possible to have too much of a good thing.  

The trick is to be aware. Keep an eye on your kids to see if they're becoming addicted to praise and require it all the time. When you're unsure whether your words to children are praise or encouragement, ask yourself the following questions:

• Am I encouraging self-evaluation or relying on the opinions of others?

• Am I being patronizing or respectful?

• Am I seeing the child's perspective or just mine?

• Would I say something like this to a friend?

The last question has been really useful to me. We usually make comments to friends that meet the criteria for encouragement.  

Children can become self-motivated with encouragement. As a result, he may be more willing to try new things.

3. Teach them how to interact socially

Have you ever worked with people who are socially awkward?  

It should come as no surprise, then, that a 20-year study conducted by Penn State and Duke discovered that children with strong social skills outperformed their peers.

Socially competent children who could cooperate with their peers without prompting, be helpful to others, understand their feelings, and solve problems on their own were far more likely than those with limited social skills to earn a college degree and have a full-time job by age 25.  

4. Make a “Bravery Ladder”

Dr. Donna Pincus explains in her book "Growing Up Brave" how taking baby steps toward a new challenge can reduce a child's fears and anxieties.  

She proposes a "bravery ladder." Creating a bravery ladder assists your child in identifying steps that will gradually help them achieve a new skill or overcome a specific fear. Consider it analogous to learning to ride a bike by beginning with training wheels.

For example, if your child is nervous about performing a piano piece at a recital, they can practice at home in front of mom and dad first. They can then perform the piece for a friend. Later, they will be able to perform in front of a larger audience, such as at your next family gathering. Each step brings your child closer to confidently performing at their recital.

If your child is afraid of swimming, try playing in sprinklers first and letting the water touch their faces.

With each "rung" they advance on the bravery ladder; your child will face their fears and gain confidence. Praise your child's progress to help them feel more confident, encouraged, and motivated.

As their self-esteem grows, they will be able to face the new challenge or situation with far less fear and anxiety.  

There are a number of ways to help children overcome their anxiety, Bravery Ladder is one of this type of concept. Each step on the Bravery Ladder represents one small step towards achieving the overall goal.

5. Offer meaningful rationales

Giving children a reason to accomplish something motivates them to do it more than whining. You can use positive justifications like, "Please brush your teeth so that you can feel clean and healthy today." This is far more motivating to them than something along the lines of "Please do it since I've asked you 200 times."

You can also break down a tedious chore, such as studying, into smaller portions if you want her to accomplish it. For example, you can first ask that he/she bring all of the study materials, then ask him/her to prepare the study space, and finally to take a seat for study.

This will make it easy for your child to complete the task.

6. Create a “I Can’t” task list

Remind your child the next time they're scared they won't be able to complete with all the things they can’t do before with a “I Can’t” task list.

What method did you use last time to learn how to do this? "How did you improve your ability to do this?"  

This emphasizes the fact that none of their skills were developed overnight, and it may provide them with the confidence and incentive to try something new.

7. Set a good example

Be optimistic

If you are an optimist, you may be willing to explain things to children because you feel they will learn and grow. You can anticipate a positive outcome and have great expectations for their children.  

Optimists prioritize what is right over what is bad, and they only perceive the negative when it is absolutely necessary.

If your child fails to learn something, never say things like, "You never learn," or "How many times do I have to tell you this?"

Be positive

Positive parents talk about their goals rather than the current behavior they observe. "Don't forget," you might say if you're frustrated that your children are continuously forgetting schoolwork or materials.  

This serves as a reminder of what they're doing incorrectly.  

Instead, you could say, "Remember to remember." Instead of "Don't be late," you can say "Be on time," and "Please be quiet because your sister is asleep," rather than "I hope you would stop yelling."  

Do you notice how positive these messages are?

A simple change in tone can be conveyed with a simple change in words.

Be enthusiastic

One of the most unpleasant sentiments children experience from their parents and other adults is lack of enthusiasm.  

When your child see that you care about them, what they're doing, and how they're doing it, they're more likely to trust you, care what you think, and listen to what you have to say.

Be Perseverant

Many successes are won by determination. We must not let our children lose hope in themselves.  

Maybe your son has received two consecutive failing math exam grades. He believes he will never be able to obtain it. Assist him in getting back up and trying again.  

Perseverance will eventually yield favorable results and a lesson that will be remembered for the rest of one's life.

8. Show them work ethic and achievement

If you want your children to behave in a certain way, Modeling Positive Conduct is the most effective approach to achieve this.  

According to a Harvard Business School study, children who grow up with working mothers have an advantage over those who do not. "The study found that daughters of working mothers stayed to school longer, were more likely to have a managerial job, and earned more money (23 percent more than their contemporaries who were reared by stay-at-home mothers)  

We've all heard stories about parents whose marriages were failing but who chose to stay together for their children's sake. That is admirable, but it is more important that kids have positive relationships with both parents and siblings (if they have any).

If your children have the good fortune of witnessing you and your husband performing their respective tasks properly, the chances of them adopting it are very high. It's up to you to make yourself a role model for them.  

Your small change in behavior could have a long-term impact on your child's life.

So, what's your choices now?

• Try to instill some positive traits in yourself, and if necessary, refresh some of them.
• Give your child a greater understanding of what is good and wrong. Also, make them aware that if the task is worthwhile and necessary, they must be courageous enough to complete it.
• You and your spouse are the most important people in her life, and you and your husband are the ones who can help her understand the reality about life. They will follow you if you are responsible.
• They should be encouraged. Encouragement motivates progress, not perfection. Because they know you're on their side, they'll have the bravery to take healthy chances if you encourage them by seeking for the best in them and responding to their blunders with compassion.

9. Allow Brain Breaks

While encouraging your child to do their tasks is important, you should not push them too much. You want your child's experiences with trying new things to be good so that they don't become even more fearful of taking risks or do things that they really don’t want to do.  

Allowing your child to take short breaks and returning to the tough job reenergized is preferable than pushing them past their perceived boundaries.

Allowing your child to take short breaks to recover will help him or her feel calmer and more at ease, making the experience more enjoyable.

• You can employ "brain breaks" if the work is academic or needs your child to sit for a long period of time. When confronted with new content, students benefit from brain breaks because they feel more relaxed and attentive. These are short exercises that break up a child's current task's monotony.  
• You can suggest a fast game of rock-paper-scissors, challenge your child to "reinvent" a random object for new purposes, give your child a tale starter to complete, and so on.  

• You can also demonstrate five various actions to your child and have them replicate them in order, dance for a minute or two, or sing a fun movement song like "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes" or "The Hokey Pokey."

Because these brain breaks are a little goofy, they'll improve your child's mood, distract them from their anxieties, and give them renewed energy to tackle the work at hand.  

Also, the enjoyable experiences you make will demonstrate to your child that attempting new things isn't all awful after all.  

10. Teach the Mindful Method

Even with these strategies in place, failure can be overwhelming at times. Teaching children to be mindful is essential in dealing with any major emotion, such as sadness or anger.  

Children can learn to respond to strong feelings of failure rather than simply reacting to them with practice.

The relationship between mindfulness and resilience is well established. A recent study at Florida State University discovered that mindful college students were more likely to benefit from adversity. They remained confident in their academic abilities even when faced with perceived failure.  

So, how can we assist children in developing a more mindful attitude?

The RAIN technique, developed by Michelle McDonald, is a simple way for children to notice and accept their feelings. The four steps are as follows:

R-Recognize what is going on ("What is going on right now? "How do I feel?" "Where in my body do I feel it?")

"I'm so angry at myself for failing my spelling test." "I really want to cry."

A-Allow life to be exactly as it is ("I can just let the thoughts or feelings be here. "Even if I don't agree with it.")

"I'm angry and I want to cry," for example. It's unpleasant, but I'll allow myself to feel this way."

I-investigate with compassion ("Why am I feeling this way?" "Does it really happen?")

"I notice I'm also a little disappointed in myself, not just mad," for example. I'm curious as to why. Perhaps it's because I believe I could have studied more."

N-Non-Identification ("I am having a thought or feeling, but I am not that thought or feeling.")

"I can be angry and disappointed without being those emotions," for example. "I am bigger than how I feel right now."

Simply print the above steps and model them using one of your own failures to put the RAIN strategy into practice. Then, ask your child if she wants to try this process with her most recent blunder.

Finally, what simple solutions do you have?

Research shows that encouraging kids to undertake a mind-numbingly tedious work with empathy, logic, and non-controlling language makes them feel happier while they're doing it than if we handed them a cash incentive.

Encouraging your child is similar to helping him or her in growing. So, keep doing it all the time!

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